Monday, April 21, 2014

I upgraded to 50mbps blast, its been... A total FUCKIN blast!!!

So let me start by saying to the audience that I'm sorry to leave you for such long periods of time, I need to post more, but I'm thrilled to get back in touch with you on this day of 4/21/14, but obviously the topic is painful. So just last week my 25mbps service went all the way up to 75$ a month, that's about 45$ more than century link currently offers for a competitive speed and less retarded customer service! So, as any comcast customer has to do all the time for the rest of their time using comcast services, I threatened to cancel. Then they offered me 50mbps for 55$ a month, that's a solid speed and a half decent price, good thing I had to threaten them first to get it! It's like threatening your spouse to take you on vacation or do some random expensive thing (money or emotional) for them, or its divorce time, that's always rewarding right? Feels good right? You know what's even better? The 50$ price they give new customers, but screw me I'm just a loyal customer, why would I want that, please take my money comcast, because I love and adore you! But it gets better, bare with me.

Let's begin through the events I have experienced over the weekend. So I buy a docsis 3.0 modem (which in layman terms allows me to get download speeds in the 250mbps range according to Wikipedia to my knowledge, plenty of speed), I then spend the next 2 hours chatting with comcast technicians to 1. get the modem added to my account, and 2. getting a comcast sales rep to upgrade me to blast.  So the sales rep told me that my service has now been upgraded to blast (50mbps), and that the speed would kick in after 1 hour. Great!

So I wait an hour and a half just to be safe, and come to my desktop excitedly to see if the speeds would be in the range of 50mbps. I tried speakeasy and comcast speed tests, and both showed absolutely no difference in my speed. So I have a beer, and relax for a few hours (actually a took a nap, but whatever man). So now its 4 hours later, and I try again, giving comcast (what?), the benefit of the doubt. Sure enough, the speeds are the same as before, my comcastic , xfinity,  shitfinity whatever the fuck experience has not improved. So what do I do?

Naturally I get back on comcast chat, giving the customer service person my router model, serial number, make, and mac address and account information. The rep can't do anything, and directs me to another sales rep I got the pleasure of chatting with 45 minutes later! The new sales rep asks me all the same information again, which they also ask you when you start the comcast chat, wow comcast how efficient of you, that must make most customers really happy to provide information 3 fucking times! The rep informs me that I don't have blast internet, that basically the transaction that took place earlier in the day never happened, even though I gave him the confirmation number from that transaction and the previous sales rep's name, uh oh. Now I'm seething in my chair, the fury of hells fire burning in my eyes and my asshole as I want to slap this comcast SOB.  But wait, its gets better.

Whets next you ask, there's more? LOL. So this new rep is quite happy to add blast to my account, great! And he even tells me that the previous rep actually added blast to my account (what?). So I already had it I ask? Yes he replies and apologizes that they updated my billing info to get the new amount of cash from me each month, but neglected to actually update my services so I could actually recieve the internet speeds I'm paying for, brilliant! So what do you think happens next? You probably assume that he makes it correct and saves face for the company don't  you? LOL.

Next the sales rep proceeds to tell me that he has "Great Offers" for me, oh boy aren't you excited too, I'm whistling zippy-doo-da in my asshole as I write this. So please note that he has already told me that he has updated the settings of my account, therefore I already have blast! So you know what his "Great Offer" was? It was 3 months of blast for free! That's great right? But the catch is, I'm already paying 5$ a month on top of 50$ to get blast internet, while getting 3 months free and then paying 10$ a month is the deal I get? I then proceed to walk down the street until I find a competent looking 2 year old to do the math for me, as the young kid shits his pants he informs me that the "Great Offer" is a worse offer than what I originally had, so naturally I rush back home and tell the sales rep that his deal sounds pretty awesome, if a 2 year old wasn't so smart..

Here is an actual snippet of our conversation (the names have been replaced to protect the innocent);

Comcast Rep: Would you like to make changes in your account.
Me: for a worse price?
Me: so I can have 3 months free?
Me: am I mistaken here?
Comcast Rep: Yes, you'll get Blast speed tier free for three months.
Comcast Rep: If you don't want to make changes in your account then no issues with that.
Me: you are offering 3 months of free blast, and then 10$ a month? and now it's 5$ a month correct?
Comcast Rep: Yes, you are correct.
Me: if I wasn't educated that would sound great!

That 2 year old advised me right! He now does my taxes too as well as gives me advice on my golf swing. So I reject his "Great Offer" and keep the offer that I was already paying for but not getting before! Sweet man! He now assures me that I will have 50mbps speeds in the next 45 minutes, that's faster than the last sales rep said! Also keep note that all the reps on comcast love to use the terminology of "Don't worry, Rest assured", while I like to use the terminology of "go fuck yourself", and "bullshit". So within the hour, my tests showed 57mbps download and 11mbps upload, sweet! Book closed.

So you think the story if over don't you? LOL. So being a non trusting comcast user, today, the very next day mind you, I do another round of speed tests with the same speakeasy and comcast speed tests. Do I get the same speeds as the day before? NOPE. I get 34mbps download and 5mbps upload! Wow, barely half of what I'm paying for. So now I must contact them again, fuck my life, let me take that back, life is a blessing, fuck you comcast!

So again I reach comcast customer service online, and this time it takes over 2 hours. The service rep again asks me for all my information, my modem's make, serial, mac address, my account number, my phone number, (she asks me for that again 3 more times, fuck  yeah!). So she starts asking me what I've done to try to troubleshoot the issue, I respond "I got on comcast customer support chat, and I'm now talking to you, that's what I did". She proceeds to have me restart my modem, no luck, unplug from the wall and replug in, no luck, reset the modem, no luck, restart my computer, no luck, etc, etc, etc. She asks me to run a speed test after every dumb shit suggestion she has suggested. Lastly she asks me to check if my cords are plugged in all the way, you know what I say, if my cords weren't completely plugged in, there would be no connection. NO CONNECTION AT ALL. 

Now after 2 hours it seems finally apparent to her that my issue is not  with plugging things in, restarting nonsense, cache, or any other out of the book bullshit excuse comcast has, and I'm not buying a single excuse, NOT ONE. Now she proceeds to ask me when a technician can come to my house and check it, after about 20 minutes we decide on a day, sweet!. Can some schmuck plug shit in better than me, maybe, but let me go ask the 2 year old if he thinks that's the case, he's my personal mentor and advisor on all matters comcast, and he's always right. In the meantime, 

So what can we take away from this? Horrible customer service that makes me so mad I made this fucking blog?  Can we take away that it takes nearly an entire days work to get what you pay for from comcast if they can even fix their shit? Can we take away they attempt to give you "Great Offers" that are actually more expensive because they think you are that f'ng stupid?

Cheers and Goodnight.


  1. I definitely sympathize :( I hate comcast so much!!! They are the biggest pain in the asses to work with and so incompetent. Bring on the Google Fiber for the love of God!

  2. At least you have the "patience" to CALL them/CHAT w/them, I refuse to do even that. Instead I use their Comcast HQ "Customer Care" email addy & never waste time w/the peons.

    After looking at the latest bill earlier today, I noticed they JACKED UP the price of Internet a WHOPPING $20 PER MONTH, w/no notice whatsoever, as usual.

    We previously had "WorkPlace Standard" $49.95, & the new bill says "Internet Starter Package" $69.95 !!

    Evidently they DUMPED their $49.95 "WorkPlace Standard" in the last billing cycle, & now only offer the $69.95 as the lowest priced "biz internet" deal.

    This is after 5 years of having a biz acct. w/them. I guess they think we are idiots. NO WAY IN HADES will I give them a WHOPPING PRICE INCREASE of $20 PER MONTH. I wrote their CSHQ & said disconnect the service at the end of this billing cycle (4 days away).

    I guess Comcrap thinks, because it is merging w/TIme-Warner, that it will be the biggest ripoff monopoly on the planet & can run people over with bulldozers & get away with it. Well, guess again, your bunch of crooks!

    Originally the modem was FREE, Then they began charging for it $7.95 month. Then a year later they upped that to $9.95/month. They also dropped the number of emails they give a biz account from 4 to 2 with their "new" "Internet Starter Package" for $20 MORE. A measely 2 email addys! (Earthlink gives 8).

    There are NO alternatives for ethernet internet around here, zilch. No ATT U-Verse, no Google-Fiber, no Verizon FiOS. Been looking all day. Earthlink also does not have Ethernet in this area, but they DO have WIreless-for-computers. That or learn to "tether" evidently, in order to avoid those Comcast crooks. So that's what I plan to do. They can Pound Sand & Die....

    1. Comcast purchased Time Warner. Idiot. It's not a merger. No wonder why your business has been so successful. If your going to whine about a twenty dollar increase and your business was OK with such slow speeds... Guess what.... Comcast doesn't want you and is happy to see you leave. My god... They won't get your $70 a month anymore... Whatever shall they do. Go pound your mother... Like everyone else in town likes doing.

    2. Methinks the prior commenter is a trolling Comcast employee whose partner doesn't put out anymore. Comcast sucks. Period.

    3. Yeah the previous comment to this one above, he must love Comcast jamming it's 18 inch cock in his ass on a daily basis or his mouth for that matter. Fuck Comcast!

  3. Same deal and same dissatisfaction for me as well. When my bill jumped up from $105 to $155 for absolutely no reason, I dropped the cable and kept the internet. They offered me the "Blast" deal, and thought it sounded decent. Tested the new speed the next day only to discover that it would max out at about 26 mbps. 50 mbps my arse! And after another check tonight, I'm strolling at 12 mbps! Thanks, Comcast! Maybe I'll try dial-up again at this rate!

  4. Comcast should not be allowed to exist as a legitimate business entity. They are so grotesquely blatant in their crookery that it is obscene. They cannot provide good customer service because 1) they have no idea what that means, and 2) their phone reps earn incentive pay for not lowering the price after any of their countless bogus price hikes for service they cannot possibly deliver. I would be embarrassed for them if I thought they cared, but I know they care about nothing. They have no integrity, and there is no legitimate need for their service. As they like to spout off when things go wrong, their service "is for entertainment purposes only." I don't need to be entertained with a wall of denials, a mountain of BS overcharges, and rude behavior from every one of their "loyalty reps", which is really just a euphemism for "assholes".

  5. most people are too stupid to realize the lines and fittings in there house are crap. and has a major impact on their speeds, and to boot, think comcast is responsible to replace your shitty lines. well your an idiot, and most likely so is the idiot comcast sends to lie to you about your shitty lines. enjoy your TV addiction twits.

  6. I hate Comcast with so much passion as well. A sales rep advertised and sold me on a plan for $80/mo. I made her confirm two times that is actually the total rate, meaning no extra and/or hidden fees. She confirmed both times. Fast forward a months later, all my bills have a base rate of $100 (+ hidden and extra fees but that's another story). I called to complain about this obvious and dubious sale and demand they pull up the phone conversation as evidence of what the sales rep pitched. Every time they claim they dont have access to the phone record, that another "department" does and shut me down. This is literally criminal business practice!

    That's only one incident that's the tip of the iceberg too! A Comcast contractor scammed us for $60 but I don't have the energy to rant further. I never wished for a company to crash and burn so bad.

    1. "no access to prior call". .. total bullshit.. every nano second of every call is recorded and stored.

  7. This is really a great blog in you discuss about I upgraded to 50mbps blast, its been... A total FUCKIN blast which is very knowledgeable for us.

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  8. You should've canceled CRAPcast and switched to Centrylink!

  9. All you naive people...
    How can Comcast "crash and die", or not be allowed to function as legitimate business, if their former top most lobbyist is now the head of Federal Communications Commission (FCC)?
    (I think it's in this video, can't watch it now as my speed is too slow on Comcast... I'm not even reaching 1 Mbps on my "blast". Should I call and waste my f***ing day?)

  10. Sound like a collective gathering of complete morons. You wouldn't be able to set up a decent connection in your own home with a quality modem and router so you depend on Comcast to provide that for you, and complain about what it is your paying for. If you don't like it just cancel it and go to century link.. But don't blame the lack of technological education on anyone but your self. You have pretty much admitted several times in this post that Comcast is providing what you requested and you just don't know how to take advantage of the service. That's sad. For you.. You are sad. Your clueless. Your pathetic. You are a moron. You should make a blog about what life is like for a minimum wage fast food worker who lives with some fat toothless beast that you call a wife and some nasty looking semi retarded child you are hoping gets pregnant early by your cousin so it will move out of your double wide mobile home. Comcast doesn't have any responsibility to fix your outdated pc or your porn infested lap top. Now get off your lazy ass and clean your house.

    1. there are some who may fit your poetically put profile however if you truly pay attention to 95% of the posts then you learn that these irate customers are using the same devices that they were using before "Upgrading" both service speeds and in a lot of Cases Comcast suggested modems which actually suck and give same or WORSE speeds.I AM a contracted Comcast employee who regards their customer servive credo/guarantee as a lie.

  11. If you see Comcast service vans at McDonalds ect -

    Slashing their tyres - Is it justified

  12. I really love talking to some zipperhead from the Philippines for my whole fucking lunch hour about my cable. Cuntcast motherfuckers...

  13. This is hilarious. I love this blog so hard. I'm writing a rant right now about Comcast. Do you mind if I use your van picture? I will totally give you credit, I always the list the full URL of anywhere I post pictures from. I can even LINK to your blog! Let me know if you do not want me to do this, and I won't. I do love your blog though. I hate Comcrap.

  14. I have just experienced the same shit with Comcast the last two days. Almost verbatim. I have been receiving calls the past three months from Comcast that my modem is outdated, and I am not getting the "full Comcast experience." What a bunch of shit! My modem worked fine, and I had no problems. What an idiot I am...So, I purchase a new modem, and go through the process of initiating the modem, setting everything up, but my internet connection is intermittent. After six calls, with the same questions asked by Comcast customer service each time to address the intermittent connection issue, finally we get to setting an appointment with a technician and it guessed correctly, 20 minutes to set an appointment. Also, during these calls, I am running speed tests, etc. and I am not achieving the speeds marketed and advertised by Comcast, including other alleged services contracted for with Comcast. Can you say fraud? Can you say violation of the Colorado Consumer Protection Act? Can you say class action lawsuit against Comcast? COMCAST SUCKS!

  15. Either your from CA, CO, GA or TX the worst customers ever, they dont even talk proper english, between red necks, withe trash trailer park hoe´s and black hoochie mama´s this country is going directly to hell.... oh wait it´s already hell, full of garbage except for NYC you guy´s ROCK PUTAS

  16. "Talk proper english" smh

    1. Lol. I love when guys like that show their ironic ignorance mid rant.

  17. My numerous letters from Comcast about the upgraded modem did not inlcude - the ordering by telephone would be charged fees. I logged in to my Comcast account and a pop-up said the modem would be shipped. I had questions, I called customer service- what a joke- Comcast offers no true customer service. Some lady in India - no speak English could not assist me at all as she did not know English.
    I returned the modem - along with the bill with the charges for shipping - sent a check for the monthly bill, less the shipping charges. Rec'd at Comcast 15 May 2015. Comcast has refused to cash the check and apply it to my account! Sent directly to CEO Brian Roberts. Followed up with a letter rec'd 2 June 2015, requesting my check be cashed. No acknowledgement!
    Sent an e-mail to key customer service folks - got form e-mail response. Some person named Shawn Henry - 2 e-mails, I left 2 vocie messages, he/she never bother calling. On 17 Jun 2015 I get an unsealed letter from Shawn Henry - nothing more than a print of out the form e-mail, stating various attempts to contact me have been unsuccessful! Total lie.
    I rec'a a Comcast bill for 2 months, and of course a late fee as Roberts' office is refusing to cash my check. Sent another check to Roberts for the new fees less the the late that Comcast caused!
    It's way past time for a class action suit against Comcast - millions of their customers have been ripped off on the upgraded modem scam.